Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Ps 127
Sunday, April 18, 2010
This is my picture of Grace!
Courtney sang today (at Grace Baptist, I see a theme here). She sang "I need a Savior", it was beautiful, not the song or the singing but the 'singer'.
For years we've prayed for healing for Courtney. He hasn't healed her YET (one day He will, perfectly). We've tried to help him along in the healing process, diets, vitamins, herbs, not much success. We've gone to dr's to see if they can help in in the process, drugs have helped some but they don't heal, and as we were told last week by the dr, they really don't know what to do to help her. So....what now?
But as Courtney sang I realized He was healing....ME!
If God had magically healed Courtney, I wouldn't see my all own failings, He uses Courtney to expose all my character flaws, that need ALOT of work. I've been reading "A Praying Life" by Paul E Miller (great book by the way) and in it he says, "If Satan's basic game plan is pride, seeking to draw us into a life of arrogance, then God's basic game plan is humility, drawing us into the life of his Son." Well Court certainly keeps me humble. Courtney is my living picture of God's grace to me. I won't lie life with Court is HARD, she's mean, disrespectful, messy and does just the opposite of whatever we want her to do. But I love her fiercely, I'd give my life for her, when she hurts, I hurt more. And that's exactly how God feels for me, even though spiritually I'm mean, disrespectful, messy, and do just the opposite of what he wants. But He loves me, so much He did give his life for me. Courtney has the biggest heart, she's the most loving person unfortunately her head and her heart don't always connect and I'm the same way with God.
When she sings I see God at work. Courtney can't get up there on her own, He's using her for a purpose. Today I saw people crying, hands raised, worshiping God, not because of her but because of Him. I realize if God can use Courtney with all her problems, he can use me too, a broken vessel, with all my problems.
She reminds me daily that God doesn't promise us an easy life, if life was always easy we wouldn't realize our need for a Savior. I'll never stop praying for healing for her, because as a mom I want better for her and an easier life for her (and for us), but until then I'll try to keep looking for the lessons he's teaching ME thru her.